HAZMAT Suit

It's hard to believe that Hunter is 10 days old today and that he had surgery 1 week ago to the day. So much as happened in between now and then and it feels more like a month or two since it all began, of course this has been one long road since December 3rd...I don't have allot to share tonight as I sit home depressed with a sleeping child. I have been fighting a cold and decided that I should keep my distance from not only the PICU but from Hunter, I couldn't live with myself if I gave his little weakened immune system a respiratory virus... All of this time I have been longing to hold him and coddle him and now I can't...today was the first day of his life that I didn't get to see him and give him my words of encouragement. Megan is on her second trip with her mom tonight, holding him and bonding with him which is ideal for both her and Hunter. Meg told me that they had to put his feeding tube back in, not to worry, he will need a little assistance here and there as he gets back in shape...

It's amazing how Megan's bodily instincts (mom's know what I am talking about) kick in now that she can hold her child close to her chest...the dynamic system that is woman is kicking into high gear; she can feel her body not only creating a massive supply of essential nutrients and super food that is necessary for her son's recovery but by being close to Hunter her body has all of the sudden begun to fix itself and show signs of it's own recovery. The natural behavior of child birth and rearing is incredibly beautiful and intriguing to me, but then again I will watch nature shows for hours on end even if I have seen them 50 times before. I recall when we first brought Stella home that I was the odd man out (like I feel tonight as I sit and mope). I had nothing to offer but a hairy chest to lay on and hands to change diapers...my body could produce nothing that Stella wanted/needed...at least this time around I will have my 2 year old angel to fall back on instead of the dog.

I had a dream last night that Hunter was up walking around in the PICU, he was wearing a hospital gown and towing an IV on wheels...I know this was no premonition as earlier that day I had seen the cutest 2-3 year old little girl in this likeness. It's so hard to sit in the lobby or in the PICU and watch these kids come and go...you just want to grab them and hold them or take their pain and sickness away...they know no different and they keep smiling, most of them. I can't wait to bring Hunter home and Megan and I have vowed not to forget what we will (hopefully) leave behind (forever). We are going to get involved in some capacity. In the past I have been on boards and fundraising committee's of various children's charities, I am going to switch my focus to pediatric, cardiology (CHD-Congenital Heart Defects) and/or Emanuel in some way...we can't communicate how touched we have been and how lucky we are to seemingly have a fully repaired heart with one surgery (I hope I am not speaking to soon). There are cardiac kids who have 12-15 surgeries well before the age of 10. Kids whose lives will be effected forever by a bum ticker. We are going to use this experience to give back to all of those who helped us and who need help. We want Hunter and his big sis to know the value of education, cooperation and getting involved to help your fellow patient/neighbor. The strength and passion of these kids is unmatchable and all they want is to never come back to this place...we can't change that but we can help make it easier and make life more "fun" for a kid who just wants to be a kid....we have been blessed in our lives to be able to help others and we'll use that ability, we just don't know how yet...but we have some great ideas.

Tomorrow morning Megan, my dad and Megan's mom are taking an Infant CPR class, we are required by the hospital as parents, to take the class before we are eventually discharged..we are asking other family members to also take the class, just in case. I look forward to seeing my little man tomorrow and holding him close, even if I have to wear a HAZMAT suit!